Saturday, August 21, 2010

The State That You Are Coming From

Right, so I went private for a few days but I got a surprising amount of emails asking why I did that so I'm just going to go public, despite the agita it will undoubtedly cause. Instead of going through and battling every comment that I get, every negative blasting about how I'm an asshole, arrogant, or worse yet dealing with the emails that Georgia gets from her readers saying those same things let me just address your concerns here.

There are 3 types of people reading this, at least in my mind.
  1. PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME. These people understand that I'm highly sarcastic and that everything I say should be taken with a grain of salt. They will not write to me and tell me that my opinions are stupid because they know me IRL and despite having heard; "it's hard to tell when you're joking and when you're serious," about a zillion times in my life I continue to joke the very same way and let the pieces fall where they may. It's led to my having to apologize several times but it is who I am so what can you do?
  2. RANDOMLY STUMBLED INS. I'm going to assume that there aren't many people who just happen to find my blog. The internet is a pretty vast horizon and to just accidentally find this would be strange.
  3. GEORGIA'S READERS. I won't lump all of you together but this is the group that scares me, honestly. Some have come over and they know her, know her humor, maybe you know me, regardless, you get the joke...when it's a joke - or at least they must assume I'm just kidding around. Then there are the comments I get that basically tell me they are taking my jokes seriously or perhaps you're double sarcastic-ing a sarcastic-izer....in which case, WELL DONE!!! You totally fucking got me!!!
I understand that this isn't a very concise "response" to the messages I get from some of you but I don't really know how to say what I'm trying to get out. I guess the best way to say it is honestly and maybe harshly; you don't really know the real me and I don't intend on giving you the real me on this blog. If you are hoping for a blog like Georgia's I'm sure there are more out there. I'm actually a very private person, I'm shy, I take things personally, and thus I would never really open myself up the way some bloggers do.

If you've been reading her blog for a long time then you know how intelligent and wonderful she is, those facts can't be missed, so trust her judgement!! I'm not really an asshole, I open her car door, I clean cat poop, I planned our proposal for nearly 3 months, I cook for her, I massage her, I listen, I empathize, and every bit of love I give, I get back. But I'm not going to be writing about these things very often.

This is not to say there won't be pieces that talk about who I really am, it's not to say that everything is a joke, it's just to say that if you're going to send me messages of hate I'm not going to give you the pleasure of responding and inciting some eWar, it's silly. I'll just chalk it up to you not really knowing me...because you don't...and I'm sorry but I like it that way.

That said, if you have honest questions for me, this post is your chance. I'll answer them...but just this once.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

You Shouldn't Have!!!

Yesterday I was chatting with a good friend, Dave, and he said something that really stuck with me; "this is the last time I give unsolicited life advice," which wasn't entirely true because I had actually asked him for advice on something. However, I greatly appreciated the sentiment and continue to think that should be on the tip of everyone's mind.

Nobody Wants Your Advice
There is one time when this statement may not be true, which is when you are asked for advice. Even then, many still don't want your advice as much as they want a voice of consent; offer them this and you'll be appreciate, offer them a differing message and you'll be quietly dismissed. A perfect example of the person who asks for but doesn't want advice is person x who has just begun dating person y. X says they wonder what it means when Y tells them to stop calling; "it probably means they don't like you," is the obvious answer. Yet it will fall on deaf ears.

Strangers giving you advice can go any number of ways. You may read this blog for advice but let me assure you any time I've written about how you should act, I've been fucking around. I don't believe it, but if you want to, I really don't care. Anyway. I've received a lot of advice from strangers since I am amongst them all day for work. I've always worked for strangers, now as a salesman and before in the restaurant industry, every now and again the sun does shine on the dog's asshole and someone drops a gem on you:

"Always set a goal for failure," a blues musician told me at My Linh, "if you succeed it's a nice, and welcome surprise, but when you fail at least you succeeded in hitting your goal."

Obviously he was joking but not 100%. I find in situations when something seems impossible it's best to believe I'll succeed, I plan to succeed, but if I fail I remember this guy and think about the fact that, on some level, I knew the impossibility of the situation.

More often though, the advice you receive from strangers come from people who haven't the slightest idea of how you live your life, how you interact with your friends, and what kind of person you are. Often people will think they are wise because of age - which, in my opinion is a farce. People are wise. Age is experience, not wisdom. Yes, maybe they have been through a similar situation to the one you are going through but problems are like snowflakes.

TONY ROBBINS IS AN ASSHOLE because there are no 1SizeFitsAll solutions to shit, there just isn't.

I'm not telling you to stop giving advice, go forth and try your best, I really don't give a shit. I'm just saying that nobody is listening so do yourself a favor and get a cat or a dog. Or two cats and a dog...that's my audience and still, I get the feeling nobody is listening.


***Dave, I did want your advice and thanks again for it!***