Monday, May 31, 2010

I Suppose I'm Scared of Lions

Emotions can be extremely sneaky. My life, as noted yesterday, is pretty fantastic and I love it, but that doesn't mean that I'm not prone (or at least, subjected at times) to momentary flashes of insanity.

I've noticed before that each day takes us further away from our youth...pretty fucked up right? When you're young your able to power through things. Any sort of challenge in my life has been met head to head as if I was some half naked warrior fighting a lion with a sword. The lion doesn't have the sword, I do, I mean, in my imagination I have a sword, I guess all I mean is that I'm half naked with a piece of sharp metal fighting a really fucking big/scary cat. But the older we get the less likely we are to fight that cat.

Fear has often crippled me and I have no shortage of reasons (read: excuses) why it's always been someone else's fault. This is not to say that mistakes haven't turned up for the best. For example Los Angeles was never on my short list of places to live, I doubt that it was even on my long list. By some twist in fate I moved here and thought, for a long time, that it was a mistake. It turns out now that it's been the best decision I've made 100% on my own. (Of course that previous statement was written without given much thought at any other decisions I've made in my life.)

I'm not sure what it is I'm afraid of or which cat I should be fighting. I just get the feeling, in flashes, that there is a lion out there and that I would be pretty fucking sexy in a metal skirt with a sword. However, sometimes I look at where I am in life and wonder why I'm not further along. Why have I not progressed in work? Why do I still sometimes worry about money? Why am I not the next Batman? Why wont the god-damned lion just show himself?

Fuck lions, right ladies?

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